Everyone seems to be crapping their collective pants about last night’s Game of Thrones, so much so that the entire series has been completely destroyed for some people. Well, we’ve read the books ten times, so we know exactly what happens to everyone from here on out. Since all of the jerk’s you know will ruin it for you on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, and whatever, we figured we’d do you a solid and ruin the finale for you one full week in advance. Here’s a preview of next week’s episode:
Tyrion Lannister joins a traveling minstrel version of Men Without Hats. With all of our favorite Westerosi folks losing their guts, heads, and limbs, why not compromise the littlest Lannister’s last shred of dignity by making him do ‘The Safety Dance‘ in the GOT version of the USO. Sansa Stark follows Tyrion on the road selling merch and looking sullen; she doesn’t get any less boring, which, we suppose isn’t much of a spoiler. Arya Stark finds the Lord of Light during a sojourn in the woods and starts sending long-winded Raven-mail to everyone she knows about her fierce right-wing political beliefs. Daenerys Targaryen rides a dragon and Theon Greyjoy’s voice gets a little higher. Everyone else dies. Any questions?