’300: Rise of an Empire’ is Totally Straight, Bro (VIDEO)

300 Rise of an Empire
A very homoerotic empire...

After a hard day of crushing beers with my bros and looking at babes on Egotastic, I like to sit back and unwind by watching Zack Snyder’s 300. I’m not sure what it is I love about the film, but there’s something about hundreds of sweaty shirtless dudes repeatedly stabbing each other that really makes me feel like a man. After watching, I often have the urge to drive out to a seedy bar at the edge of town, pick a fight with the most muscular guy I can find, and pummel him until we’re both satisfied…with the fight…like a boss.

If you feel the same confusing feelings, I’ve got some good news. It’s perfectly natural. And here’s some even better news. The sequel/prequel to 300 now has a trailer.

300: Rise of an Empire focuses on the Battle of Artemisium, a naval engagement between the Persians and Greeks in 480 BC… or something. I don’t know all the details because history is totes not straight. But I’ll tell you what is totes straight: 300: Rise of an Empire. I can tell because in the middle of all those greased-up hunks are two attractive women. Be sure and point that out to your overly-religious mother when she bugs you about watching the trailer so much.

300: Rise of an Empire pounds its way into theaters March 7th, 2014.

Comments