Celebrate the Recent Release of ‘The Hangover III’ With Super Smash Bros, Officially (Kinda) the Greatest, Drunk-iest Video Game Ever

Oh yes it is. ACTUAL SCIENCE says so (as, y’know, does destructoid). You don’t argue with science. Science knows its shit. Remember that human ear on the mouse’s back? That was several simultaneous kinds of holy shit, right there.

But to business. If the wacky funsters of dudetacular movie franchise The Hangover have taught us anything (and they totally haven’t), it’s that copious quantities of alcohol make life rather more interesting and/or ludicrous. A tiger? Dead guys later revealed to be quite resolutely not-dead-at-all? Mike Tyson? All of this wonderment can be yours with a little coercion from our good buddy Mr. Beer.

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The cast themselves are beer-ing it right up in this great image from www.ign.com.

And so it is with video games. Many a review would prove far more lenient -and colorful- if these party poopers didn’t insist on being goddamn sober before playing. Whether it was that manic, drunkenly-flailing Wii Sports session which ended in an inadvertent Wiimote-through-TV-screen, friendship-rupturing shitstorm, or the bruised ballsack that resulted from the ill-advised attempt at Dance Dance Revolution whilst under the influence, gaming and drinking have always been the best of friends. Rather like Batman and Robin, sans homosexual undertones/tights.

It’s that magical elixir that unleashes the entertainment value in even the most hideous, farcical ballache of a traincrash of a game. But what of a series that’s already a renegade escapee from Crazy Town? In 2007, Nintendo’s party/fighter Super Smash Bros. Melee took the top spot in Destructoid’s Top 10 drunk multiplayer games, their reasoning being: ‘What’s better than beating up your friends in a video game? Beating up your friends in a video game with Jigglypuff… It only gets better by giving alcohol-fueled people a controller and letting them kick their friends off the level.’

They’re not wrong.

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This is just one of their more serene moments.

Smash Bros. isn’t a traditional fighter, we’ll concede, but when Princess Peach is smiting villain and general big ol’ scaly bastard Bowser in the ass with a frying pan, there’s certainly fisticuffs of some kind or another going on. The series sees an array of Nintendo’s mascots -from crotch-thrusting superstar to the more obscure- doing battle in various arenas from across the franchises. In lieu of lifebars, characters have a ‘damage percentage,’ which increases as they sustain injury and governs the distance they are sent flying by subsequent attacks. Victory is secured by propelling opponents off of the field of play, which will cause them to lose a life.

As you can surely envisage, a full four-player match, with everybody unleashing vast, toon-tacular exaggerated attacks and flying about the place, is a thoroughly demented affair. Throw in a liberal choice of Nintendo-branded items to use (beam swords, Bob-ombs and a replica of their hilariously shitty old Super Scope which functions as a rifle among them) and we’ve been thrust crotch-first into Bizarro World. Add a little of your booze-flavored booze to the mix, and hilarity and befuddlement are sure to ensue.

Who died? What killed them? Which one am I? Why does Pikachu suck so much ass? The world may never know.

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