Next Xbox Reveal Dated. Breath Bated. Black Market Organ-Purchasers Located

The most exciting 'bland text box with green strip' there ever was.

Well, maybe not that last bit. We could be optimistic and cross our fingers, toes, and balls that this thing won’t cost about as much as the entire national debt of Sub-Saharan Africa. But, as Grandpa Egotastic always told us (before we had to take him to that home because of his new getting his dick out in public thing, the wacky old funster), technology doesn’t come cheap. Evidently, there’s several craploads of it coming our way in May, as Microsoft announced yesterday.

As we know, Nintendo’s Wii U -while a perfectly passable box o’ entertainment for those with a penchant for their family friendly, toon-tastic shenanigans- has all the next-gen eyeball hemorrhaging raw power of a one-legged puppy with a limp scrote. As such, Sony’s recent look how many dudes in suits have shits to give about this thing, and/or have proclaimed it ‘revolutionary’ and ‘groundbreaking,’ it must be damn awesome PlayStation 4 presentation marked our first fleeting sight of the next generation. Here comes the next.

Bill Gates shook a righteous middle finger at the screen of his Mac (did you see what we did there? Did you?) throughout Sony’s offering, sulked for a few weeks in the vast toilet of his huge, ostentatious mansion, before bringing us this tantalizing post on playxbla yesterday:

On Tuesday May 21st, we’ll mark the beginning of a new generation of games, TV and entertainment. On that day, we’ll be holding a special press event on the Xbox campus and we invite you to join us via the live global stream that will be available on Xbox.com, Xbox LIVE and broadcast on Spike TV if you are in the US or Canada.

On that day, we’ll share our vision for Xbox, and give you a real taste of the future. Then, 19-days later at the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) in Los Angeles, we’ll continue the conversation and showcase our full lineup of blockbuster games.

We are thrilled to pull back the curtain and reveal what we’ve been working on.

In summation, it’s a mere month until we can finally stop seeing such utterly wank terms as ‘Nextbox’ and ‘Xbox 720′ used to describe this impending wonderbox (unless the latter is actually the name, which is a distinct possibility). Will it be a connectivity-centric jack-of-all-trades? A gaming-orientated powerhouse of such formidable power and majesty that our retinas will spontaneously combust the instant we start it up?

Microsoft's Next Xbox Reveal 2011 MockUp

For a pretty damn good impression of what we WON'T be getting, behold this bizarre mock-up from 2011, courtesy of: www.geekologie.com

We don’t know. But we soon shall.

Source: playxbla.

Comments