Now You Can Convince Your Girl to Swallow: The Nutritional Value of Jizz

Convincing your girl to swallow your jizz if she doesn’t want to is like convincing your boss that you sent out that report on the day that it was supposed to go out–even though nobody received it and it didn’t appear in your sent box, either. It’s not about the taste, they insist. It’s about the color and texture and fat content and the fact that there are millions of microscopic tadpole-like thingamahigs swimming in every tablespoon of that stuff…

You’ve heard her excuses. Now it’s time for your rebuttal–and the best part is that you can back it with some scientific facts and figures that’ll have her eating out of your hand (obviously, you’ll want her to be eating somewhere else after that.)

We all know that your spunk is edible. But what we don’t know is what’s in it, aside from the wriggly stuff. According to the Greatist who actually analyzed a sample of jizz for the sake of all mankind, there’s really nothing in each load that’ll make a girl sick, fat, or miraculously pregnant.

From their study, they reported that the average male ejaculation produces about one teaspon of nut butter, which contains about 5-25 calories with a minimal amount of protein. Hmm, not bad. Interestingly, it also contains over 200 different proteins, vitamin C, calcium, fructose, lactic acid, zinc, sodium, mixed in with a bunch of other vitamins and minerals.

So guys, the next time she withdraws or attempts to spit it out… Hit her with the facts and surprise her with how much you know about pud suds. She just might reconsider.

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