You Are Now Entering The Lifetime Movie Zone

Alicia Silverstone has been cast in a Lifetime Original movie called HR. It was inevitable really. Alicia has been largely MIA for a decade except for the occasional nude PETA ad, (not that we don’t appreciate that). In the 90′s Alicia was one of Hollywood’s hottest young stars. She starred in a string of movies in which she played “hot girl”, including the zeitgeist defining Clueless. Then, as happens in the fickle hellhole of Hollywood, she hit 32 or so and disappeared from the scene. Like many a former hottie leading lady, she spent several years in entertainment limbo until Lifetime came a’knockin’. Alicia has reached the Lifetime Zone.

The Lifetime Zone is the moment in which a washed up actress becomes a regular staple of Lifetime Original movies. Take, for example, Markie Post. For 9 years she starred as the attractive assistant DA in the classic comedy series Night Court. When the show was cancelled, Markie was well into her 30′s. She then spent about 10 years in the forgotten dustbin of hasbeeness. Now, Markie is a regular playing abused wives and divorced moms finding love. Kirstie Alley, Joana Kerns, Queen Latifah, and even Lindsey Lohan have turned to the network to end their exile. Men also get trapped there. James Van Der Beek, Mario Lopez, and Mark Paul Gosselaar have all been to the LZ. It usually takes about 10 years to enter the Lifetime Zone. Once in this weird world of tragic stories and crappy love stories it’s almost impossible to get out. But why would you want to, really? Being a working actor is hard. Actresses past 30 have it even worse. Why would they turn down work?  It’s inevitable. In 10 years you are going to see Mila Kunis and Jennifer Lawrence starring as separated twins.

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