Remember That Time Burger King Served You Seabiscuit and Then Lied About It

Deeeelicious!

I figure eating fast food is a bit of a gamble no matter what. Like, ‘food’ should probably have an asterisk next to it because it’s about as edible as my shoe leather. And yet it tastes so darn good. But for some reason, some Brits are up-in-arms because it turns out the Burger King they’ve been eating has been chock full of horse meat. And apparently instead of just owning up to it, the good folks over at the His Majesty’s Burger Joint lied and orchestrated a cover-up about it.

What’s the big friggin’ deal? What’s wrong with horse meat? You think it’s any worse than the cows lips and hooves you’ve been shoveling down your gullet all these years? I in fact would think the meat of the equine is superior to that of the bovine. They’re stronger animals, leaner, cleaner and if you shove a carrot up their rears they look like they’re talking.

Burger King sells ‘one million burgers a week in the UK’. That’s one million people who have already given up on life. Or, knowing Burger King patrons, maybe only 5 people, but still–if you’re going to complain about something to do with Burger King, complain about Burger King, not the horse meat in their death burgers. Or at the very least complain about those creepy commercials with the guy wearing a ceramic king mask. That guy haunts my dreams. You don’t see Del Taco giving me nightmares, do you? Horrible, horrible bathroom trips at 3am, but never nightmares.

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