Prostitutes Promise a Week of Free Sex if Nigeria Wins Tournament

Nigeria Wins and Gets Prostitutes
We're so gonna get laid!

The African Cup of Nations is the biggest national team soccer tournament in Africa and important enough to the Association of Nigerian Prostitutes that the ladies are offering a week of free sex if their Nigeria Super Eagles bring home the cup. For those of you who still insist on referring to Africa as if it’s a country instead of a continent, understand that Nigeria (an area which has, shall we say, a “unique” history with the United States) is a traditional soccer power but Cote d’Ivoire, lead by the improbably permed Didier Drogba, has usurped that crown in recent years. Nigeria’s win over the Ivorians in the quarterfinals gives the Super Eagles a much easier path to the championship. This free sex thing is likely to happen.

And we quote the Association of Nigerian Prostitutes’ national secretary Jessica Elvis:

We want to congratulate the Nigerian national team, the Super Eagles, for qualifying for the next round of the competition. We want to assure them of our usual support and partnership, we want them to bring back our lost glory in football. To show our support for the national team, we’ll be declaring one week free sex if the Super Eagles can win the trophy

Now how somebody can declare a week of free sex in a way that makes sense to us here at Egotastic is outside of our understanding. Could it really be that this Jessica Elvis has the power to unleash a parade of call girls offering freebies throughout the streets of South Africa (where the tournament is being held) and it’s first come-first serve? Or, as is more likely, is she talking about giving free rolls in the hay to the players on the Nigeria soccer team? If it’s the latter then, allow me to put on my hater hat and say “to hell with you Super Eagles” because you already get the finest thoroughbreds in the land lured in with your English, Italian and Spanish league soccer contracts and wild London, Rome and Barcelona nightlife to go with it. In fact, the gallery above illustrates how Nigeria’s John Obi Mikel, from Chelsea, might have reacted to the free sex decree.

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