Monopoly Says The Flatiron Is Dead, Long Live The Cat

Monopoly announced today that it is getting rid of the flatiron token and replacing it with a cat. This comes after a month long campaign in which the company asked people which token they would like to not pass go and not collect 200 dollars. It’s no surprise that people picked the iron. Who ever wanted to be the iron? It’s the piece you got stuck with if all the of the pieces were taken or you’d lost the others. A cat isn’t a bad choice as there is already a Scottie dog. But I wonder if the other pieces couldn’t use an update as well. The traditional tokens of the 80-year-old game are the car, thimble, boot, Scottie dog, battleship, hat, iron (now cat), and wheelbarrow. Who uses a thimble anymore? We don’t sew in America, we export that work to sweatshops in China. Also when was the last time you used a wheelbarrow? Probably never in your life. No one wears hats except for hipster douchebags that wear bowler hats to be ironic. The game should make pieces for the 21st century. They should go with a hybrid Prius, a Paypal cart, an Ugg, a designer labradoodle, a drone, an iPhone, a hypoallergenic cat, and a bulldozer.

 

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