In Their Greatest Blunder Since the Revolutionary War, British Men Vote Kristen Stewart Hollywood’s ‘Least Sexy’ Actress

No Union Jack Off For K-Stew

Say what you will about Kristen Stewart. She looks miserably unhappy all the time, has the acting chops of a wet sponge with a half-open smirk drawn in sharpie and a loose strand of hair that constantly needs pushing back behind the ear, and cheated on her boyfriend then issued a strange public apology to him because she has a publicist with all the wits of that sponge we were just talking about. And her body? It’s…I don’t know, it’s a little shapeless. But, I mean, Great Britain, or at least the readers of MenKind.co.uk who participated in the poll, named her the Least Sexiest Actress in Hollywood.

You know who she beat out for that? Sarah Jessica Parker and Lindsay Lohan!! Lindsay Lohan?! The woman with the face of a wax statue that’s been left out in the sun too long and the teeth of a hillbilly that’s been living in England for a decade. And Sarah Jessica Parker? I mean, there’s at least half-a-dozen British horse meat scandal jokes I can make right now about this. I know that the Brits are able to show nudity on bus ads and in their daily newspapers, but since when do the Brits have such high standards of beauty? Half their comedy teams have to dress up in drag just to produce a sexy a woman.

MenKind’s Ten Least Sexy Hollywood Actresses
1. Kristen Stewart
2. Sarah Jessica Parker
3. Lindsay Lohan
4. Denise Richards
5. Kirsten Dunst
6. Mischa Barton
7. Hilary Swank
8. Lucy Liu
9. Tilda Swinton (okay, I’ll give you this one)
10. Uma Thurman

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