Look, you've got one week left of today to either get a little nookie or find yourself alone on the couch come Valentine's Day, the single biggest trap day of the year for men, when the odds of success are stacked against you mightily.
As always, I will remind you that what women want from Valentine's Day is a story to tell all their friends who are telling their stories, or better yet, to do some token gesture of romance in front of their friends or coworkers. Remember, women don't care what they get, they just care that their girlfriends get to say, 'Oh, you are so lucky!' on the big V-Day. I don't know, guys have The Super Bowl and all their weird traditions. Valentine's Day is The Super Bowl for women. Just suck it up and play the game.
And as if you weren't feeling pressure from all quarters, now consider the pressure in your drawers as you feast eyes upon Candice Swanepoel and Lily Aldridge, in store for Victoria's Secret promoting their favorite Valentine's Day gift packages. Obviously, Valentine's Day is the monster sales holiday for the lingerie store, but, again, I caution you, purchasing lingerie for your girl raises the odds of failure on V-Day to the extreme. It's the danger zone where so many a man has epically failed. Nobody fails with flowers and dinner, I'm just saying. Still, revel in the fantasy that Valentine's Day has anything to do with men with a couple hot peeks at the hot peaks of Candice and Lily. Enjoy.