Who Cares About The Golden Globes?

The Golden Globes were last night and all of Hollywood came out in their finery in order to congratulate themselves on how awesome they are. I am a big fan of film and TV as is evident from my gigantic film school student loan debt. But is anyone else like me and not give a rat f#%k about award shows? Why do I want to watch a bunch of millionaires inflate their egos to even larger sizes by giving each other golden statues? Actors are particularly annoying on award shows. Many thespians think that what they do is sooooo important. Guys, you dress up and play pretend. You’re not curing cancer and if you disappeared no one would care. So, why would I want to spend my Sunday evenings watching Anne Hathaway or Jodie Foster yammering on about how important they are?

And honestly, who cares about the Golden Globes? The only award that even matters is the Oscars. All of the Critic’s Circle, People’s Choice, and Independent Spirit Awards end up as paperweights in an actor’s office. The Golden Globes are often  a consolation prize for not getting an Oscar. Ben Affleck was snubbed by the Oscars and didn’t get a nomination for directing Argo, (In my opinion the best movie of the year). So, here’s a Golden Globe, Ben. We’re going to give yet another Oscar to Steven Spielberg for directing a piece of Oscar catnip like Lincoln. Even the Oscars are pretty pointless. Do you realize that Julia Roberts, Rene Zellweger, and friggin’ Nicolas Cage have Oscars? Nicolas Cage! Award shows aren’t even worth watching for the hot chicks in dresses. What do I care if Katherine Bigelow is wearing Chanel? If any side boob or nip slip action happens, we at Egotastic! are going to post pics anyway, so why should I have to suffer through the Red Carpet Special?

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