The Coolness Event Horizon: The Moment Things Become Lame

We’ve been conducting intensive studies here at Egotastic! on what we call the coolness event horizon. This is the exact instant in which anything cool, funny, or fashionable becomes lame. Once the cool thing passes this border it is forever lame. The formula goes like this: Cool Thing + You’re Middle-Aged Parents Know About It = Lame. I’m not knocking middle-aged parents. We will all on day be middle-aged and many of us will have kids as well. I love my mother with all my heart, but let’s face it, she likes really lame s*&t. She spent months trying to get me to watch Cheaper By The Dozen 2 and her favorite movie is Under The Tuscan Sun. Therefor once the meme, dance, video, or trend reaches your parent’s suburban home it crosses the coolness event horizon. Take for example the most recent ridiculously popular meme: Gangnam Style.

When I first saw the Gangnaem Style video a couple of months ago, I laughed. The song sucks but the video is ridiculous and pretty darn funny. But you know that already. So, does your dad. He may even have forwarded Gangnam Style to you asking, “Have you seen this? It’s hilarious!”. I recall 15 years ago when I learned the Macarena and its accompanying dance from a bunch of hot chicks in bikinis in Miami Beach (true story). It’s a terrible song but whatever, hot chicks in bikinis wanted to dance with me. Five months later my aunt was dancing the Macarena at a wedding. Lame. That is another test of the coolness event horizon: If it’s played/incorporated into a wedding, bar mitzvah, quinceñera, or at a Marshalls it is instantly lame. This isn’t a theory or hypothesis, it’s a scientific law. I think we deserve the Nobel Prize for this.

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