We’ll concede, Rockstar give no shits about our ‘demands.’ Any preposterous dreams we may harbor of cruising about Los Santos’ upper atmosphere in the Wright brother’s craptacular wooden airplane -like the mad retro renegade mofos from Lucifer’s left bollock that we are- are presumably in vain. Still, in a franchise of Grand Theft Auto’s caliber, so acclaimed for its expansive sandbox shenanigans, anything is plausible.
It’s a series replete with liberating oddities, after all. A world of drug dealing, prostitutes, bank heists, and prostitute drug dealers that rob banks. Of intrigue, clandestine crime capers and a skewed good/bad guy dichotomy. A fascinating, multifaceted universe we can finally revisit when Grand Theft Auto V steals the tiny, fleshy automobile that is our collective heart in a scant month or two. Most pertinently, though, it’s a franchise that allows us to revel in a cacophony of pursuing sirens and angry soldier-types desperate to shoot us right in the dick… as the jingly wonderment of The Baby Elephant Walk emanates from the ice cream truck we’ve stolen.
Can you engage in high-speed chases in about a ton of frozen confection-dispensing auto in any other game? You cannot. In that spirit, then, hit the gallery for a crazy quintet of vehicles that damn well should -but damn well won’t- be drivable in Grand Theft Auto V.
The Gallery is rated EP for Excessive Piss-takery.