Cookie Monster: Master Thief?

C Is For Criminal?

A daring heist was perpetrated in Hannover Germany in which a historic golden cookie was stolen by Cookie Monster. Yes, really. There are so many things in that sentence that strike me as strange. Then I remember that it happened in Germany where cannibals advertise in the paper and shizer porn is the norm. It seems that the sign at German cookie manufacturer Bahlsen’s headquarters is a 100-year-old golden cookie replica. A man(?) who identifies himself as Krümel Monster, (German for Cookie Monster), sent a ransom note to authorities claiming that if the factory didn’t donate milk chocolate cookies to a local children’s hospital or the sign “will wind up in the trash with Oscar the Grouch.” And yes, he is dressed like Cookie Monster in a picture on the ransom note. It’s a nice sentiment but it’s still not cool. The real Cookie has vowed to help authorities catch this thief besmirching his name. I for one am sick of this kind of Muppet corruption. First, politicians threaten to kick Big Bird out on the street, then Elmo turns out to be a kiddie fiddler, and now some German douche is trying to frame Cookie for a sign heist? Look, if you want to do something stupid dressed in a weird outfit go to the costume store and pick out a random frog or piece of celery costume and leave beloved children’s characters alone.

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