It’s New Years! Celebrate With Our Ultimate Reasons to Give 2012 the Middle Finger Forever

The Most Craptacular Events of 2012
Such sights aside, the Olympics sucked monkey

And so we arrive at the drunk-iest night of the year. Those ancient Mexican bastards alleged that we’d never make it, but bollocks to them. To revel in the glory of not having been smited in the genitals by the Apocalypse Stick (or, as we’ve dubbed the non-event, Apocalypse No), we must all pledge to ingest an even greater excess of alcohol than usual. Let’s herald the new year as our ancestors intended: face-down, limbs akimbo, in a puddle of piss/vomit, praying for the swift embrace of the Grim Reaper and embarrassing the balls off of our young, impressionable children.
“Is that guy your dad? He’s shat his pants.”
“This bastard? Hell no.”

In the interim, though, and before an alcoholic stupor mitigates our ability to y’know, read shit, behold the most craptacular events of 2012 in the gallery. These are memories worthy of eternally obliterating with that thirtieth shot.

Comments