Liz & Dick, Lindsay Lohan‘s latest attempt to resurrect her career, was defecated on America last night. The film tells the tale of the torrid love affair between Hollywood legends Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Bad isn’t an adequate description of the horror that is Liz & Dick. The filmmakers found new levels of terrible not seen since 1997′s Batman and Robin. Twitter went nuts live tweeting the poopocalypse as it happened. Patton Oswalt said, ”’Tonight, the downward spiral becomes a straight, vertical line!’ – Lindsay Lohan’s weary, weary guardian angel #lizanddick”’ while Aimee Mann chimed in with, “I get the feeling the phrase ”’It is what it is’ was said a lot in the editing room. #lizanddick’”.
You know the expression, ‘So bad it’s good’? This was more of a case of ‘So bad it’s bad.’ How anyone thought this was going to be the big comeback piece Lindsay needed is either stupid, or secretly works for the Razzie Awards and was pulling the strings from the get-go on this project. So what exactly made it so horrible? Firstly there is having Lindsay Lohan playing Liz Taylor at all. Taylor was one of the most beautiful women ever to appear on the big screen while Lohan looks more like an ex-meth head that works at Wal-Mart these days. The script felt like it was written by a 12 year-old with ADD and a massive brain injury. Lohan’s performance was full of strange grunts, sighs, and wooden movement. The most important thing in any performance is to make it look like it is happeneing for the first time.
Not only did Lohan anticipate every single action, it almost looked like she was literally being prompted the whole time. ‘Okay, Lindsay raise your hand, grab the vase, throw it…no! the other way! Good. Now grunt and fake cry.’ It was as if all of us were watching the crappy community theater production of the life of Liz Taylor. I feel bad for Lohan in that she was really hoping this was going to revive her career. But I feel worse for everyone who had their eyes and ears violated by this abomination of a biopic. It did more to hurt Taylor’s career than we she cameo’d in that atrocious Flintstones movie.
So to save yourself two hours of time you will never get back and regret having wasted when you’re on your death bed, feel free to watch the video above for the best of the worst of Liz & Dick.