Mariah Carey Wishes You A Titty Christmas This Yuletide

Well, somebody’s gotta light up your Christmas tree. In my house, it was always neighbor Carl to whom my dad owed gambling money so Carl would come over and light the tree, then threaten my dad, and slap my mom on the ass. It was sort of like the ceremonial start to the holiday season around our hearth. Ah, Christmas.

Don’t you know, Rockefeller Center goes a little deeper into their wallets for the official lighting of their big-arse Norwegian Spruce. They brought into the curvaceous Mariah Carey to kick off the seasonal tidings with some music and a rather gift-worthy exhibition of her twin fruitcakes. I mean, that was some serious cleavage for a family gathering. And, in that same way, it almost makes family gatherings worthwhile.

This Christmas, we salute Mariah Carey’s bulging breasts. We’d be scared not to. Enjoy.

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