Gaming’s Whacked-Out Week: Sextastic Ladyfolk Take a Turn at Ogling Us! Plus… Car-Humping?

Yes indeed. In a disconcerting maneuver worthy of The Twilight Zone, your iDevice du jour now houses a tiny woman; trapped ‘neath the glass and -presumably- soundlessly judging you as you upload images of your ballsack onto the internet. An app, freshly afforded the moniker Watching Cute Girl, was clandestinely thrust upon the store this week. (“What the shit,” proclaimed the App Store, as this abomination disappeared up its ass, “I’ve never seen anything this stalktacular!”)

The target audience for such a creation presumably constitutes about three creepy dudes, each of whom have a plate of human eyelids in their living rooms. Perchance also a sign on their cellar doors which bears the legend ‘Sinister Sex-Dungeon.’ By which I mean, ‘Happy Funtimes Home for Underprivileged Pets.’ Come and see Flopsy the rabbit, whose bollocks I sewed back on in 2007.’

This alarming oddity is just the tip of this week’s bizarre, shit-stained iceberg, as you’ll see in the gallery. Beware, as an exemplar, the video game creators that opted to define ‘erotic’ as a dude humping a car.

Hit Kotaku for Watching Cute Girl screens and the least erotic eroticism ever conceived.

IGN’s latest Cheap Cool Crazy! episode can be seen here, in all its resplendent Halo-infused glory.

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