Elmo is dead. Sorry kids, your little red friend has kicked the bucket. Kevin Clash, the legendary puppeteer who created Elmo, has resigned from Sesame Street in light of more accusations that he diddles kids. You may recall that last week a young man who had accused Clash of having sex with him when he was sixteen dropped the case. Now, another accuser has come out and Clash felt compelled to leave the show that made his right hand a household name. Whether he is guilty or not, his reputation is forever tarnished and he'll never get back on Children's television. Elmo isn't the only thing that died today. Hope did too.
I mean seriously, what's the point of going on? Elmo is an alleged child molester? The purest, happiest, little bundle of joy on Earth does the darkest deed imaginable? How can we look our kids in the eye and tell them that there is goodness and truth in the world if Elmo is evil? They should just change Sesame Street to reflect the reality of the world in which this kind of thing happened. Nihilistic Muppets teach kids that life has no meaning and we are all just talking sacks of meat. Cookie Monster has type-2 diabetes, Oscar is high on heroin, and Big Bird was roasted for Thanksgiving dinner. Thank God that the world is ending next month, because I don't want to live in this world.
Here is Elmo in happier times improving through an interview with Ricky Gervais.