OAPs, as we’d venture you will all attest, are a monumental asspain. They drive ponderously and laboriously (whether in the conventional motor vehicle sense or in one of those nefarious Lazy-wagon scooter contraptions they run over cats’ scrotums with on the sidewalk), at speeds approaching three-eighths of the pace of a comatose snail that’s got pissed somehow. If you miraculously acquire a --generally piss-stained-- seat on public transportation, they’ll demand it; citing the shrapnel that's been wedged in their asscheek since the forties. Most egregiously, old women will humiliate us by accruing a magnificent crop of chin-bristles, outdoing the beards of even the studliest dudes.
"You didn’t punch Hitler in the mansack in 1939, grandpa! Hold still, you mad old bastard! I have to change your blankets, you’ve shat yourself again!"
Conversely, though, the OCTOGENARIANS (another fine title for this week's escapade) of video games fare rather better. In the gallery, you’ll find such wonderment as an undead pirate and a decrepit-yet-still-formidable Solid Snake. After all, as that TV commercial for pensioner-diapers proclaims, incontinence need never temper badassery.