Lance Armstrong, Steroids, And The Awesome Athletes Of Tomorrow

Lance Armstrong was forced to step down as the head of the cancer charity he helped promote. He also lost his Nike endorsement deal. The reason being that he’s a cheater, cheater, steroid eater. It’s become pretty obvious that he was shot up with more performance drugs than a Mafia racehorse in Atlantic City. While we at Egotastic! don’t condone that kind of thing, it does seem to be the way sports are going. When was the last time there was any great athlete that wasn’t suspected of doping? It’s not like sports hasn’t adapted to include things once considered cheating…cough! Cough! Designated hitter, cough! Cough! I think Armstrong isn’t a cheater, he’s a pioneer. I say we don’t need less doping, we need more!

Picture the sporting events of the future in which gigantic drug enhanced monsters compete in massive arenas in battles to rival the primeval wars of the Titans. The Armstrongs of tomorrow would pedal at 200 mph, their massively disproportionate muscled legs pushing them vertically up Mt. Everest. Imagine a Jose Canseco of the future hitting a ball a half mile only to be caught by a skyscraper bounding leap by Reggie Jackson VI. Basketball players could spring heights that would make Michael Jordan’s historic dunks look like a little girl jumping rope. It’s a beautiful thing my friends. So, shoot up athletes. I await buying season tickets to your monster wars.

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