Apparently, if you’re an econ major and are wondering what the average number of sexual partners you’ll have in college is, the numbers are not-so ironically in your favor. A recent study that surveyed thousands of college undergraduates calculated the average number of sexual partners students will have based on their major. And if you ask me, the numbers are all wrong.
The research shows that an Econ major will have the most partners, with an average of 4.88 people. At the other end of the spectrum are the Environmental Science students with only 1.71. And somehow, Comparative Religion students scrape by with a decent 2.13 showing. Now as someone who spent nearly a decade at a college campus (4 years getting my degree, 2 getting my graduate degree, and 4 more trying to pick up freshmen girls on move-in day), I’ve done a lot of personal research on this subject and let me tell you right now, Environmental Science chicks are the easiest to score with.
People in that major are usually named Star or Moonbeam. They’re the children of hippies and are themselves probably neo-hippies who, sure, maybe they wear flip flops out to the bars on Friday night and their clothes are made of hemp, but that just means her shirt will tear right off. It’s unfair to tell Environmental Science girls that they’re not getting taken care of because these girls grew up on communes and the one thing they believe in more than saving the world is free love.
So shame on you study, calling those proud environmentalists as tight-legged. And to imply that the religious kids are getting it on more is shameful. Those kids never drank in college and if there was one way someone would ever find me attractive, it would’ve been two shots of Mad Dog and a game of Century Club. Get your facts straight, guys.