Pick-up Lines and Lucky Briefs Yielding No Lady-Love? Behold Duke Nukem’s Guide to Celebrity Panty-Surfing

Don’t think he’d be loathe to give it the moniker Duke Nukem’s Guide to Celebrity Panty-Surfing, either. That’s so patently him.

The Duke was born in 1991, in an eponymous endeavor set in 1997 (a preposterously futuristic realm at the time, perhaps. Humanity harbored hopes for hoverboards, teleportation and other shenanigans courtesy of Philip K. Dick. What did Satan pluck from his congested underworld U-bend for our delectation in lieu of these? Tracksuits and boybands of uber-wankery. After all, at this juncture, we were a mere year or two from Busted or Bastard or whatever those ballaches dubbed themselves). In his fifteen year span, Nukem has become synonymous with badassery and a quip-quotient rivaled only by the filmography of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Most pertinently, though, his digital dalliances with the boobiest crop of babetastic ever animated by a overweight dude with noxious B.O in a tenebrous basement are legend. Emulate his irresistibility to the female of the species with our mockery-infused guide above.