As you are well away, the adoption process remains ‘active and ongoing’ on my petition for Swiss Miss veteran hottie Michelle Hunziker to become my adoptive mom. It’s not that I don’t love my bio mom and respect how ever many vagrants she had to sedate and steal their organs to help put food on the table for our large brood, it’s just that I always dreamed of a parental figure who looked like Michelle Hunziker did in her black leather dress last night during Milan Fashion Week.
When I imagine Michelle and I cuddled up together reading inspiration picture books before bed time, me in my Spiderman footsie pajamas, my new adopted mom in black lace negligee, it just all seems so warm and innocent and maternal.
Just sign the papers, Michelle. And let’s make this our first family holiday season together. Enjoy.