Kate Middleton's Crown Jewels Exposed As U.K. Surveillance Society Claims Its Latest Victim

When your husband is the future-King of a country known for being 'the most surveilled country' among the industrialized Western states, you're not allowed to be surprised when you're snapped without a top on sunbathing on an exposed balcony (click here to see the wonderfully care-free and topless Princess). The Brits are so concerned with keeping tabs on its citizens that not only are they putting cameras up in their schools with a ratio of one camera for every 38 students, but they're putting the cameras up in the locker rooms and bathrooms.

Now I'm into scat and piss play as much as the next sexual deviant, but there comes a point when you have to look around and ask yourself, 'Is this country getting too much like Orwell's 1984?' But don't do this in public. Do it in the privacy of your own home. God forbid a CCTV camera on Carnaby Street catch you having an independent thought. Personally, I'm okay with surveillance. If it cuts down on random crime and makes it easier for the police, or 'Bobbies' as they're amazingly still called in the U.K., to catch dangerous suspects, then so be it. Keep in mind that police officers in England aren't allowed to carry guns, so it's a trade off that I understand. Where it does piss me off is if it means less women are going to be taking their tops off in public because they know they're being watched (by someone other than me with my telephoto lens pointed out of a blacked out window across the street). 

So what can we learn from this latest royal scandal?

One) Royals shouldn't be surprised that irony mandates topless pictures of the Princess of Cambridge must be taken to show what happens when you live in a neo-fascist surveillance state.

Two) Even though it's illegal in the UK to publish photographs of a member of the royal family in a compromising situation, Kate Middleton used to be a common citizen, which means her nipples were born to freedom, er go, they should be allowed to be viewed by anyone and everyone.

Three) If you want people to stop being so obsessed with catching sight of Kate's funbags, convince Pippa to pose nude. That's all it'll take.

Four) It's still far less embarrassing than that time Harry wore a swastika to a party.

Tagged in: Humor


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