Gaming’s Whacked-Out Week: The Upcoming Flesh-Fest ‘Seduce Me’, Resident Evil Theme Parks and… A Face-Massaging Stylus?

This week, we were privy to the sad, solitary fate of the nork-centric game Seduce Me (it was taken in a clandestine manner to a shit-stained alley and shot in the nutsack –which it was brandishing with gleeful abandon at the time, naturellement– like some disconcerting deleted scene from The Godfather), its crudely-fashioned erotica and innuendo-infused existence curtailed by a smiting administered by Thor’s righteous hammer of anti-gonad rectitude. To wit: the Steam community, via Steam Greenlight. (“They’re like Batman, for your balls!” proclaimed nobody.) As the developers lament their perceived ill-treatment, the bizarre, X-rated issue (the issue of… issuing in video games, if you will) emerged; as you’ll see in the gallery.

While you’re indulging your perusal glands, behold the magnificent impending Resident Evil attraction in Japan’s Universal Studios; and Nintendo’s most preposterous plastic venture since last week’s shit-tastic Knitting Machine (at which our middle fingers remain raised).