Why Do People Keep Casting Russell Brand?

Russell Brand can be equated to smoking weed. In small puffs he can be really fun and makes you laugh Your left wanting more but are smart enough to restrain yourself. But when taken in too many Cheech and Chong-style bong rips, you get a bad headache, feel disoriented and makes you black out face first, waking up in the fetal position with a bad case of the cold sweats.

According to Variety, Brand has been cast in Borat-director Larry Charles’ film Pierre, Pierre as a French con artist trying to move a stolen painting. Don’t they realize that the only thing more annoying than his slurred British drawl, is imagining it in a French accent.

Brand was a breath of fresh air for American audiences when he appeared in Forgetting SarahRussell Brand Marshall. He was already a quite a star across the pond, but it was really us Yanks first time seeing him. And you know what? He was really damn funny. But he was also a supporting character and his screen time was limited. They threw the whole ‘leave them wanting more’ thing out the window in the sort-of sequel Get Him to the Greek. Jonah Hill was funny in that movie. Even P. Diddy was funny in that movie. But Russell Brand on screen for nearly a film’s entire running time is not funny. He’s got one joke: He looks sleazy and likes to party. Do you want to spend two hours with your friend from college who still lives off campus ten years later?

Despite looking like someone in mid-operation at a sex reassignment clinic in the backwoods of Mexico City, he’s been offered to us as a romantic lead in films like the Arthur remake. Did you see that movie? Don’t worry. I know the answer is no. Unless you worked for the studio or are related to Mr. Brand, the answer is no. Because the film bombed. Commercially and critically.

So why do we keep giving him more chances to fail in leading roles? It hast to stop. It has to!

Oh, also he got to sleep with Katy Perry. So f@ck you, Russell. Piss off back to England.

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