The Germans are pretty pleased with themselves after announcing that they are about to roll out the world’s longest bus onto the streets of Dresden later this year. The Autotram Extra Grand is nearly 100 feet long and can accomodate 256 people. Hey, that’s fantastic. I guess after having your entire city firebombed and destroyed by the American military in World War II, the best way to get back on the map is to tout the biggest, more formidable mode of crummy public transportation.
As someone who runs into constant car trouble, I’ve had my fair share of days taking the bus to and from work. And let me tell you, the person throwing up on himself was the high point of my experience. Maybe it’s that I don’t like filth, moving slowly, tight spaces or the need to be treated for Hep C, but I’m pretty sure when they were being locked in cattle cars and moved to Auschwitz, my ancestors probably at least once or twice remarked, ‘Could be worse; We could be on a Los Angeles bus.’
Simply adding a superlative to something doesn’t make it any better when that something is miserable. The new Airbus A380 is the world’s largest commercial aircraft with two levels of seating, accommodating almost twice as many passengers to fly on board. So what does that mean? It means when the A-hole in front of me dips his seat all the way back so my view-screen showing Jack and Jill is in my lap and the cabin is filled with twice as many babies shrieking in panic, I can turn to the person next to me and say, ‘Wow, this is the world’s largest plane and it sucks as much as the world’s smallest plane. Also, get your fat elbow off my arm rest.’