The After School Special Awards: For Achievement In Turning a Classroom Into a XXX Playpen

When I was in high school all my teachers looked like my grandmother’s retirement home friends. After they propositioned you they’d offer you some hard candy and a $10 post-dated check on your birthday. But apparently, everyone else in America gets teachers that look like they just walked out of a Maxim photoshoot. And they’re all really, really horny.

The newest recipient of our After School Special Awards goes to Brittni Colleps, a married mother of three and teacher from outside Ft Worth, Texas, who is accused of not only sleeping with five student athletes from her school, but having group sex with four of them all caught on tape. Brittni made sure to do her homework though, as she made sure all the students she packed on top of her were eighteen.  The prosecution was so confounded by how to prosecute her that they had to invent a brand new crime just to keep Colleps off the street.

The real crime is that youth today doesn’t know a good thing when they see it. If those dumb jocks had kept their mouths shut, the fun could’ve continued through summer vacation. My girlfriend won’t even let us make-out with the lights on and this woman is getting dirtier than Sasha Grey in front of a camera. So good for you, Brittni, A for effort.

Today we’re saluting Brittni and other criminals like her, who didn’t merely sleep with their students, they went above and beyond to truly be creepy about it.

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