Dispatches From The Apocalypse: The Naked Congressman

The world is going to end December 21, 2012. I’m sorry if you had plans for the 22nd, but one can’t control the end of the world. The Mayan calendar, the Bible, the stories of the Viking Ragnarok, and even some scientists are among the the things that have predicted this end. We’ve already seen zombies rising from their graves and the maidens of Pussy Riot thrown in jail, but more signs are coming. We at Egotastic! want you to be ready. We’ve read the signs and want to keep you informed in this new feature series. The latest sign of the end: Republican congressmen skinny dipping in the Dead Sea.

Last summer a group of Republican congressmen were visiting Israel when one of their group, Rep. Kevin Yoder, decided to go bare balls in the body of water Jesus once walked across. This is a sign of the end. It was foretold in the apocryphal Scroll of Lenny the Amalekite that “When you see a man called Yohdar from Cannzaaz exposing his pasty white bottom in the Sea of Death, the end is nigh.” Scholars have long thought that Cannzaaz might be the Midwest state of Kansas, but the identity of Yohdar was a mystery. Now we know it was Rep. Yoder. Thanks a lot for being a harbinger of the Apocalypse, ass.

Comments