As we know, the comically-oversized novelty N have primed a preemptive assault on next generation console-age. (The manner of the assault in question is unspecified. Rumors that Nintendo America President and erstwhile man-beast to the nth degree Reggie Fils-Aime will engage all challengers in a penis-wrestling cagefight, as a salutation to the auspicious occasion, are unfounded. Albeit arousing, naturellement.) The Wii U and its anomalous capabilities have been much ballyhooed, to the extent that we witnessed several Japanese guys at the mall festooned in sandwich boards that bore the legend, “Wait, come back! This one is significantly less shit. Touch-tastic shenanigans abound, with a controller that’s pretty damn chunky. It could, quite conceivably, serve the twofold function of gaming and deterring those asshole mongrel cats that keep encroaching on your lawn to have illicit sexy-sex/take a dump on your begonias. You could probably kill the bastards with ease with this thing.”
It’s snappier in the original Japanese, you understand.
To business, though. What are your thoughts on the console thus far? Are you considering a purchase? Would you prefer a more conventional control system? Is this gamepad business merely innovation for innovation’s sake, akin to one of Picasso’s whacked-out Cubist portraits with women with triangular chest-icles and suchlike? Take a look at the most pertinent aspects of Wii U in the gallery, then let us know.