A recent playthrough of Learning with the Pooyoos: B.S for Pre-teen Halfwits (The subtitle is my own addition, naturellement) instructed me on the adverse advisability of skipping wantonly into the road without even a cursory look. I was certain, the game explained, to run afoul of an irate soccer mom careening in my direction in her comically overlarge 4×4; her attention perhaps monopolized by the bucket of fried chicken precariously wobbling about on the passenger seat. It went on to recount the remedial process of wiping one’s own ass. (I’ll concede, at 28 we should be rather better acquainted with such notions, but my learning was somewhat impeded by being dropped- from the fifth floor balcony -as a child.) While such edutainment conforms perfectly to the requirements of video games for the under 8s, The Gamer Guy’s Alphabet is today concerned with Blood-letting. Such shenanigans stand as perhaps the most plain expression of gaming as a legitimate, adult occupation.
This year’s E3 bounty, after all, offered copious delights for the purportedly ‘hardcore’, violence-desensitized gamer. That merry band of manly men who could watch somebody undergoing an especially vigorous enema unfazed; while absently pondering what’s for lunch. Perhaps striking a match on their mantacular chins as they do so. As such, take to the gallery with all due haste for a celebration of some of gaming’s most brutal offerings/the upcoming blood-and-general-viscera-dripping extravaganza.