There’s a reason we don’t let teens, most especially young teen girls, make important decisions. For one, Justin Bieber would be our nation’s first lesbian President, and while hair-twistees would replace war, a whole bunch of other bad shizz would befall us as all important institutions were slowly turned into Forever 21 stores.
That being said, the Teen Choice Awards while being completely inane and craptastic in concept and delivery, did manage to deliver a bevy of super sextastic celebrities to the red carpet and insipid in-show skits, that with the volume turned all the way off, became tolerable thanks to the hotness of Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Nina Dobrev, Taylor Swift, Hayden Panettiere, Zooey Deschanel, Bella Thorne, Lea Michele, and Victoria Justice. Pack all those ladies into a suitcase and head out for a weekend of non-stop self-stimulation, if you know what I’m saying. And, you do. Enjoy.