Video game connoisseurs are inherently forthright with their opinions. Oftentimes, when a fellow player has the nut-numbing temerity to suggest that a character or series entry is not the best, a shitstorm of catastrophic proportions is invoked. The most innocuous of discussions degenerates into a no-quarter brawl; hair pulling, nutsack-kicking and the mockery of mocking mocksters of mock abound. (It is rumored that, on particularly vicious occasions, mothers are flagrantly insulted. Perhaps exhorted to exercise, as her current physique surely does not complement her bountiful wardrobe of light, flowing summer apparel. Down with such urban slang as we are, we were able to translate the original wording, the rather less eloquent ‘your mama’s a fat bitch.’ Or something to that effect.)
Conversely, though, such nerd-tacular tirades can be highly amusing. When Resident Evil 6 was rated by the ESRB, it was confirmed to feature -if you can contain your outrage at such an outlandish notion!- actual sans-clothing shenanigans (shock and, if I may add, horror. “Hank! Fetch the smelling salts! Get your hand off your penis and get them, Hank!”). While this is unlikely to entail an orgy of Ancient Roman proportions (think togas, nipples and man-meat flying erratically about the room like a pissed flock of alcoholic ravens), the speculative response on them thar interwebs was ridiculously funny. As such, we were inspired to collate this wonderfully entertaining gallery of the unadulterated bullshit that has spewed wantonly from fan-mouths, in the months before the game’s release. Intended humor? Unintended humor? As long as it’s humor, let’s not get pernickety.
For your delectation, we present the individuals responsible for the above bons mots, in scrolly movie credit style (Albeit an abysmal, festering ballache of a movie. Lifeforce, for instance. Sure, it was breast-tacular, but much of its running time left our balls aching for all the wrong reasons):