Why I Can’t Take Jenny McCarthy Or Her Boobs Seriously

Jenny McCarthy appeared in her 6th Playboy cover this week and the world said: who cares? At this point, who hasn't seen Jenny McCarthy's boobs? When she was young, she was pretty hot in a plasticky sort of way. But she's 39 now. Who wants to see what 20 years and children do to her silicon filled fun bags? I'm not saying that 39 year-old women can't be sexy, but do they belong in Playboy? You can't defy gravity forever. Eventually Newton's laws will pull your boobs down to Earth until your once pert breasts look like two tangerines at the bottom of a pair of tube socks.

This isn't why I can't take Jenny McCarthy or her breasts seriously. Is it because she may be the most obnoxious person on Earth and her "look I'm a girl who farts and burps" thing got real old real quick? No. Is it because she advocates for parents to risk their kids dying of mumps because she is a trained doctor and is convince vaccines cause autism? Nope. Is it that I can't take anyone seriously who dated Jim Carrey for that long without punching him to death? Not that either. Then why can't I take Jenny McCarthy seriously?

It's because of the scene below from Dirty Love in which she splashes around in her own period blood.