Rockstar’s exalted Grand Theft Auto series is undoubtedly the most acclaimed-yet-notorious property in the great gaming spectrum. The first release appeared for the PC and Playstation late in 1997, a success commercially that attracted its share of derisive reviews nonetheless. These criminal capers courted controversy instantly, but the pioneering open world action and gritty aesthetic struck a chord with players to an incredible extent. Fifteen years later, Grand Theft Auto has attained such kudos that the fleeting appearance of the above logo was enough to cause widespread furor. The poor beleaguered internet-machine began to smoke alarmingly from the revered temple in Japan where it resides. (“GAH! Shigeru! Turn it off and on again! Damn it, I was just trying to order saké online!”) But why is this latest enigmatic entry so worthy of our attention?
Fans wait with avaricious hunger for more of Grand Theft Auto’s sublime blend of visceral action and tales of intrigue. (In this image, for instance, we see Grand Theft Auto IV’s Niko Bellic single-handedly attempt to ravage a goddamn helicopter with a small machine gun. Simply because he’s man-tastic, as indicated by that fine stubble-beard. Such shenanigans are but par for the course in Rockstar’s vast metropolises/playgrounds.) Alas, it has been several months since the initial trailer, and it’s still all that has been officially seen of the new title. As such, speculation abounds as to what is coming. In late March of this year, some deeply suspect ‘leaks’ were provided. These suggested multiplayer with support for 32 participants, a truly colossal city map called Los Santos (purportedly five times the area the previous title boasted), and other such delights. (See ubergizmo for more, but be sure to have a pinch of salt handy. In fact, grab yourself two pinches. Then, you can make some kind of delectable-looking shrimp dish I saw on the internet afterwards; should you also have a couple of potatoes and some parsley lurking about on your PC desk. Which you don’t, as that would be lunacy.)
The alarming caveat here is that Rockstar is not a company to take to E3 and perform for the crowd. Festooning themselves in garish sequined regalia like a dancing circus bear/Elton John in his youthful preposterous spectacles phase isn’t their style. Grand Theft Auto V emerging in playable form at the prestigious L.A event is a pipe dream indeed. Nevertheless, there is hope for a new trailer, shots, or similar subdued presence. If there has ever been a time for the trend to bucked, it is now. The franchise’s star has surely reached the very apex of its ascent now, and the response to the most minor reveal would surely be phenomenal. It’s a sobering thought that, at a celebration of the industry, perhaps the most anticipated title of all will be missing in action. We can only hope that the Grand Theft Auto gang aren’t otherwise engaged washing their hair or scratching their balls or such.
How will you know of any Rockstar revelations? Stick with Egotastic!
In the meantime, here’s the incontinent octogenarian that is the original Grand Theft Auto V trailer; for your delectation once more: