The Wackiest Porn Parodies Of All Time

Porn and non-porn films have always been the two sides of the same smutty coin. It took about 5 seconds after the film camera was invented in 1898 for someone to say, “I say, old chap, What if we were to cinematograph a nubile young woman with her knickers off?” People think that film pornography is a new development, something that came out of the dark hairy nether regions of the 70′s. Not so. In film school they taught us that 1900-1925 is considered the first ‘Golden Age of Porn’, when for a penny you could watch people with handle bar mustaches going at it with someone who looked like your great-grandma. Pornographic film has always been the under the covers counterpart to mainstream movies. So, it’s no surprise that some of the greatest (worst?) pornographic movies have been parodies of mainstream films. As pornos these movies are failures, as you can’t really flog the dolphin to something so ridiculous. Or maybe you can, I’m not judging. But as entertainment, they deliver. So, here are the wackiest porn parody film.

Playmate of the Apes

Story goes that a buddy’s roommate moved out and left this gem behind. This “sexy” take on the classic Planet of the Apes involves a trio of lesbian astronauts that crash land on a planet ruled by people in bad monkey suits. The sex is pretty boring and unappealing soft-core girl on girl, but the plot is awesome. The film stars Seduction Cinema’s classic heroine Misty Mundae. She also starred in their Erotic Werewolf in London and Spiderbabe, where she played a female Spiderman that shot webbing out of…you know. Playmate of the Apes also has one of the worst rap songs ever created sung by a group of extremely White porn actors. The best part is at the end when “the missing link” shows up. Essentially, he’s a homeless guy wearing half an ape suit. And there is a gay pink ape named Dr. Queera. Seriously, if you only see one of these, watch this one.

The XXXorcist

For some reason, my best friend thought this was the perfect birthday present for me when I turned 30. It’s exactly what it sounds like: a porn version of The Exorcist. If you can manage an erection while watching this thing, you are a sick man. Father Merkin comes to the house of a young woman who is possessed by Satan. Remember, the girl is made up to look like Linda Blair did in the original. When an exorcism fails, the priest decides to do a sexorcim and F__ the hell out of her. So, they do. Remember in the original movie when she vomited the pea soup on the priest? This time it doesn’t come out of her mouth…

A Midsummer Night’s Cream

Who says porn can’t be educational? A friend of mine found this masterpiece while researching a paper on Shakespeare on film. Obviously, it’s Willy Shake’s comedy A Midsummer Night’s Dream as a porno. However, the most amazing thing is that they actually use the dialogue from the play in the movie. Imagine a bunch of coked out porn actors trying to tackle iambic pentameter. The best part is when Titania, played by veteran naked person Nina Hartley, has sex with Bottom the weaver while he’s a donkey. Yes, there is braying.

Lord of The G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String

This is another Misty Mundae classic that came out around the time of the Lord of the Rings films. Misty plays a Throbbit by the name of Dildo Saggins, (subtle). She is entrusted with the task of taking an evil g-string to Whoredor and destroying it. She and her Throbbit companions are chased by the wicked Sourasse, who mainly farts a lot. It’s another lesbian soft-core production, but like the rest of the movies on this list, the sex is irrelevant. The point is how appalling bad every aspect of the production is. It’s as if all the weird kids in theater club that spent all spring at the Renn Faire made a lesbian porn flick.

Edward Penishands

A friend of mine brought this to a party when I was in high school and we laughed until orange soda came out our noses, (ew). This was back in 1991 when parody porn was in its infancy. Basically, it’s the plot of Edward Scissorhands, but with more dongs. The mom in the movie is a door-to-door dildo saleswoman who meets the unfortunate Edward Penishands. He looks like a busted ass version of Robert Smith from The Cure but with penises instead of hands. Soon, the woman’s daughter falls in love with sad wiener-fisted Edward and they celebrate their love in very yucky ways.

 

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