Have I Mentioned Lately How Many Royal Babies I’m Going to Make With Kate Middleton?

The Duchess of Cambridge and the lust of my not so regal loins has been out and about this past week helping to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth, which apparently is a monster to-do in England, even bigger than the Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark reunion performance this July, or maybe about the same level of buzz.

Kate Middleton just makes me want to charge with my lance drawn headlong into her ramparts and secrete her from the tower jail cell where they keep her in betwixt making appearances with various balding members of the House of Windsor to honor their royal rule. And when she’s in red, looking all formally done up, she just looks like a Go Sign of fertility, with whom I want to make many half-blooded offspring (half blue blood, half blood with a BAC of approximately .17 most days). Oh, Kate, hit me up on your royal Twitter account please, we must be together. Enjoy.

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