I’ve always had a love affair with movies. Ever since I was three years old and my mom took me to see The Empire Strikes Back, I was hooked. I even have the 60k in student loan debt for film school to prove it. My friends say I’m a bit a film snob. I’m not one of those people that watch only indies and foreign films, because the percentage of suckitude is about the same as Hollywood movies. It doesn’t matter if you have wicked special effects or lots of scenes of people smoking and drinking coffee, without a good story and good actors the movie is going to suck. Sometimes, however, even great actors can’t save a truly terrible film. All actors make a stinker or two in their day, but what if it’s the last film they make? Here is a list of 5 great actors whose last films sucked.
Orson Welles in Transformers: The Movie
I know, I know, we all love the Transformers movie. I love it too. I totally cried when (spoiler alert) Optimus Prime died. But looking back it wasn’t really a good movie. The plot was cheesy and the dialogue was terrible. The producers scored a real coup when they got the great Orson Welles to do the voice of the robot planet chomping monster Unicron. Welles was one of the greatest actors and directors of all time. His film Citizen Kane is still considered the greatest film ever made. Why did he choose to do a movie about robots that turn into cars? Who knows? Also asking a guy as fat as him to play a planet is really mean.
Original Orson Welles voice Transformers… by EgotasticMedia
Laurence Olivier in Clash of the Titans
Again, I love this film. I had a Kraken toy that I used to feed my GI Joes. Though the claymation of Ray Harryhausen was fantastic, the movie is pretty cheesy. Every actor in this film chews more scenery than termites on a sound stage. No one overacts more than Laurence Olivier as Zeus. Olivier is credited with being one of the greatest actors of all time. I you want to see some great Shakespeare on film check out Richard III or his King Lear. This is the man who once mocked Dustin Hoffman’s method acting exercises by saying, “My dear boy, why don’t you try acting instead.” For some reason he totally forgets how to act when they made him talk through a shield.
Clash of the Titans Trailer (1981) by EgotasticMedia
Raul Julia in Street Fighter
Raul Julia was a truly great actor. Watch Kiss of the Spiderwoman or Romero and you’ll see some serious acting chops, my friends. But his last film was the Jean Claude Van Damme video game adaptation Street Fighter. Julia plays M. Bison, the villain of this turd fest. It’s always a bad idea to make a movie out of a video game, but Street Fighter might be the worst one ever made. It’s downright unwatchable. It makes the Bob Hoskins Super Mario Bros. look like The Godfather. I don’t know why Julia agreed to do this movie. Maybe he owed Van Damme money? We’ll never know.
Bison remembers Tuesday by EgotasticMedia
Gene Kelly in Xanadu
Have you ever seen Xanadu? It is so bad it makes you want to bash your own head in with a hammer. It stars Olivia Newton John as a muse who inspires some douche with a mullet to open a roller disco. Her muse boss or whatever is none other than the great Gene Kelly. Gene Kelly defined the movie musical in the 40’s and 50’s. Even if you aren’t a musicals kind of guy, you just don’t have a heart if you don’t smile while watching Singing in the Rain. It’s a shame that his swan song was a movie so bad that it proves that there is no God.
xanadu clip by EgotasticMedia
Elizabeth Taylor in The Flintstones
Elizabeth Taylor was one of the most beautiful and glamorous movie stars of all time. Who can forget those violet eyes and shiny black hair? If you want to see some serious acting, check out her and real life husband Richard Burton in Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Even though she passed recently, her last film was 1994’s apocalyptically bad The Flintstones. Liz plays Wilma Flintstones’ bitchy mother who hates her son-in-law Fred. She definitely didn’t need the money, so that’s not why she lowered herself by being in such a piece of crap. Her health was already deteriorating and she must have been whacked out on pain meds.
Flintstones – Party by EgotasticMedia