With the vagaries of the holiday 2012 release ‘date’ approaching, Nintendo have been wantonly dolling out leisurely slaps of the info-stick to our collective nutsacks. (With all the vigorous urgency of an arthritic, incontinent donkey with one leg, hobbling laboriously across a speed bump-laden stretch of highway, I’ll concede. There have been fleeting assaults of ACTUAL KNOWLEDGE-FACT for our delectation nonetheless.) Above, for instance, you can revere once more the magnificent chunkiness of the disconcertingly-light-yet-ponderous-in-appearance gamepad. (Its deceptive looks, alas, means it won’t replace my baseball bat as defense against prowlers/small rodents on late-night incursions in my humble home.
“Cease your ingress, thief! Put my goddamn TV down, lest I smite you with this fatass controller! With hindsight, I’d prefer to have at least donned pyjama bottoms prior to this confrontation, but still. 'Nads akimbo or not, don’t make me break your face.”)
Remaining to be disclosed, though, is just what the machine will be capable of upon its debut. Nintendolife yesterday reported some tantalising tidbits on this very matter from Nintendo UK boss, David Yarnton. Most pertinently, he brought to the fore the company’s recognition of their mismanagement of the 3DS’s release:
“One of the problems with 3DS was content. When we launched we didn’t have the content we do now, or the functionality for download games either. We do have that now, and did get there a few months after launch. But with the Wii U, we had 23 games on show at E3, plus Netflix and Amazon and other services all hopefully for launch – it’s a great value proposition.”
A certain degree of PR hyperbole is evident, certainly. This translates to:
Watch this space. There’s nothing in it at the moment, granted. It’s a tenebrous void of utterly shit all, like something you’ll find behind a bookcase that sends you to a parallel universe in The Twilight Zone. When we do get off our asses and provide some details, though, they’ll be sensational. In fact, you’ll shit.
Even so, a launch bolstered by an array of quality software? A multi-faceted console? That’s the suggestion. Just what applications will these be? Will I finally get a console with an extending robo-hand, enabling me to play by myself and play with myself simultaneously? The dream, as I believe today’s urban youth are wont to say, would then truly be lived. Stick with Egotastic! for the answers to these cryptic queries (although possibly not the latter one) as the console looms.