Looks Like ‘CSI: Miami’ Got The Ax…. YEEEEAAAHHHH!

CSI: Miami, the greatest/worst show on TV, is no more. CBS decided to amputate the show like you might a gangrenous limb. But don't worry, CBS has 15 other CSI's. "But aren't all the CSI's basically the same?" If I could reach through my computer, I'd slap you in the teeth. That's like saying that the Mona Lisa and an airbrushed t-shirt image of J-Woww are the same because they are both paintings of Italian chicks that look like guys.

CSI: Miami was a masterpiece of bad TV. It was a perfect storm of bad writing, bad directing, bad editing, bad acting, and bad lighting. Lighting, you say? Yes. Take a look at this picture. Now, forget for a second that this is a police lab and would probably be lit by green fluorescent lights. Where are those lights coming from? Why are those jars underlit that way? What's with the weird blue wash in the background? Why does it look like a sleazy club full of guys with silk shirts and over-tweezed eyebrows? Screw you, that's why.

But without a doubt, the greatest thing about CSI: Miami is the apocalyptically bad lead performance by David Caruso. In every episode he chewed the scenery like Rosie O'Donnell in a beef jerky factory. The iconic moment in every episode came right before the opening credits. Caruso would look over the grisly murder scene and callously use a human tragedy in order to make a stupid pun while putting on his sunglasses. The writers must have come up with the pun and then written the show around it. That's like building a house starting with the septic tank. Luckily, they will still be playing CSI: Miami in syndication long after civilization has crumbled and the roaches rule the Earth.

Article By Jack Tomas
http://www.jacktomas.com >