Today, we’re visiting the wonderful world of Final Fantasy VII. This RPG is surely a contender for most beloved video game ever. Cloud, Sephiroth and the gang’s exploits remain as popular as always (at least amongst those who don’t contract migraines from the wince-inducingly bad visuals), but it’s just the start of the adventure we’re focusing on here.
Specifically, the unfortunate ill dude living in a pipe moment. On the way to Aeris’s house, you pass through a particularly dodgy-looking neighbourhood (probably pausing to ensure your valuables are safely hidden from view. Some of the people lurking about definitely look like wrong 'uns, even if they are apron-wearing housewives). This is where you meet the notorious Sick Guy. Aeris looks him over, no doubt utilising all her extensive medical training in the process. She then hits you with her inspired diagnosis: This guy are sick.
These words are both celebrated and mocked in equal measure. They’re often bandied about as an in-joke amongst RPG enthusiasts/huge geeks in the know. Still, this is important beyond the grammatically-mangled comedy factor. Those familiar with the sickness this guy are got know the significance of the tattoo he bears. As such, it’s unfortunate that this moment of foreshadowing is marred by such inept language use.
Then again, I could have it all wrong. Perhaps she had meant to say something else entirely, but got cut off. After all, anyone going anywhere near this dude wouldn’t want to risk catching moron from him (symptoms include shambling about, only able to make unintelligible UUUGH sounds) so any train of thought could be easily derailed. Judging by the missteps in grammar the whole title is plagued with, my guess is she was going for something like, “this guy are sick of the constant failure of the writers to provide us a script that makes any kind of logical sense.”
He’s UUUGHing in despair at the ineptitude of it all, I’ll wager.
It’s a shame, because the dialogue could have been top notch throughout. Keep in mind, Final Fantasy VII features the famous Cid Highwind, with his volatile temper and nasty case of Tourette’s syndrome. He’s given us such gold as (warning his fellow passengers that his plane is about to crash-land somehow into the sea) “This is gonna be a big splash! Hold on to your drawers and don’t piss in ‘em!”
It’s almost enough to make you forgive the likes of this guy are sick. Almost.
Article by Chris Littlechild