Katy Perry and Russell Brand Divorced! It’s Time to Move from Cocktease to My Concubine

Couple things here, yeah, okay, very sad about Katy Cocktease and Russell Brand. But, who didn’t see this one coming? Forever traveling teasy pop diva and stay-at-home strung-out lounge-about actor husband? Yeah, no.

Second, Katy and Russell were just about as convincing as Kim and Kris when it came to endless series of media interviews slamming all the divorce rumors, up until a few days ago. Always, always, a big crock of bull when celebs can’t go on enough shows to squash rumors. It’s Celeb Behavior 101. 

And, finally, most importantly, Katy Cocktease and I can finally be together, in conjugal relations, whatever that might entail or, you know, cost. I am so ready. Katy, please call me. 

Check out the latest skinny on how Russell Brand actually dropped divorce papers on Katy Perry at our breaking news partners, TMZ.

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