Since Friday, I’ve changed my mind a bit about the legitimacy of the paternity claims of Mariah Yeater, the 21-year old lady misses who claims Justin Bieber banged a baby into her about a year ago when she visited him backstage.
Last week, I was quite sure this ‘come-forward new Mother I’d Like to Find a Psychiatrist was telling the truth, but, now, I must admit, there are some troubling ‘hurdles’ to the validity of her claims:
1. To believe her story, you have to believe Justin Bieber had sex, with a girl, and that’s either too hard to believe or just too troubling to contemplate.
2. Turns out Mariah Yeater got busted for beating up her boyfriend last year. Busted in Vegas is a whole different kind of busted. The worst kind.
3. Apparently, the midget bubblegum pop star was not the first dude Mariah contacted claiming him to be the father of her current bun in the oven.
4. The crooning little fella has agreed to provide a DNA sample for paternity testing. Pretty damn ballsy unless you know you weren’t the fruit that made the juice that made the baby. Like, damn sure.
All of this leads me to believe, and, sadly, has led the sextastic Selena Gomez to believe, that the teeny-tiny lesbian singer is not the father of the wind called Mariah conception. While this baby may not see millions in his future, and he may very well be stuck with a morally and emotionally troubled mom, I’d like to think that going through life with Justin Bieber NOT being your dad is the ultimate bit of even steven Karmic blessing.