We kid, kind of. Based on our scientific extrapolation (check me out), there's a full two years and nine months before Lindsay Lohan hits the pole for the first time, professionally speaking at least. And, until that date, there's still plenty of time left for basic shopping, drinking, and falling down activities, some of which may actually be done outside lockup.
Truth be told, we are a bit angry when one of our veteran gingers insists on going blonde. There's nothing in this world hotter than a buxom redhead; when firecrotch goes platinum, it's like a sin against nature, a crime against humanity, in short, a real boner killer. Thanks a lot, Lindsay.