Elisabetta Canalis Single, Bikini Hot, and on a Motherf***ing Boat

Sure, breakups are hard. No matter which end of the split you’re on. (Personally, my record is 0-5-1 in terms of who broke up with whom, with my one tie even in dispute as she claims she left me a voicemail a solid seventeen minutes in advance of my breakup email.) But I have to think breakups, even with George Clooney, are far easier when you’re rich, hot, and your life consists mainly of sunbathing on the forecastle of world-class yachts in various Mediterranean ports of call.( Or, at least it’s easier than when you’re dumped and you still have to show up at Subway Sandwiches the next morning for your certified sandwich maker exam — that was brutal.)

Just ogling these Elisbetta Canalis bikini pictures leave me quite assured that she will soon be dating another rich dude in fancy clothes with the names of French and Italian men stitched inside. And, I’m happy for her. A girl this hot deserves phenomenal attention. But, Elisabetta, should you ever want the simple pleasures of a foot-long sub prepared in precisely the manner you desire, please, dont’ hesitate to call. Enjoy.

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