Selena Gomez Checks Into Hospital Over the Weekend With Bieber Fever

We did muse ourselves something this weekend, wondering if the eighteen year old Selena Gomez might have checked herself into the hospital overnight under an assumed name because of being in a motherly way. Our friends at TMZ disputed our suggestions, but, we’re not retracting our underlying theory that when a teenage girl goes on a sex-filled vacation romp with the Devil’s Midget, she might be the bearer of baby tidings not long after. Let’s face it, a purple hoodie does not a prophylactic make.

We certainly hope we’re wrong. The mere images of Justin Bieber privates-grabbing and dry humping our beloved Selena Gomez on the volcanic beaches of the 50th state was nearly too much for us to handle; the thought that he might have invaded Selena’s inner sanctum with Satan’s offspring, it’s unthinkable. But we have to think it. It’s our job. Be well, Selena, whatever ails you.

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