We did muse ourselves something this weekend, wondering if the eighteen year old Selena Gomez might have checked herself into the hospital overnight under an assumed name because of being in a motherly way. Our friends at TMZ disputed our suggestions, but, we're not retracting our underlying theory that when a teenage girl goes on a sex-filled vacation romp with the Devil's Midget, she might be the bearer of baby tidings not long after. Let's face it, a purple hoodie does not a prophylactic make.
We certainly hope we're wrong. The mere images of Justin Bieber privates-grabbing and dry humping our beloved Selena Gomez on the volcanic beaches of the 50th state was nearly too much for us to handle; the thought that he might have invaded Selena's inner sanctum with Satan's offspring, it's unthinkable. But we have to think it. It's our job. Be well, Selena, whatever ails you.