To date, we've raised nearly seventy-three dollars from numerous contributors and well-wishers in support of our campaign to free Kendall Jenner from her Calabasas confinement before she turns 18 and becomes fully assimilated into the Kardashian Borg. As we've mentioned, we're not so concerned as to Kendall Jenner being transformed into a mindless, commercial-pimping machine of pure humanoid licensed merchandise, that seems a foregone conclusion, rather, we are concerned for her safety at the hands of her shorter, squatter sisters who will see her as an obvious threat to the longstanding family power structure of Kim in the front seat, Kourtney in the back, and Khloe pulling the wagon. We ask that you continue with your donations for the rescue of Kendall Jenner, the tall, lean, Kardashian, with the happy smile on the cover of this month's American Cheerleader magazine (to which I happen to have a lifetime subscription). Please give, then, enjoy.
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