Selena Gomez Is Big Cleavage In Japan

Things are easy when you’re big in Japan.

My Uncle Denton was in the import/export business. He used to tell me it was ‘parts’ he was moving around the world. One time I joked to Uncle Denton that it was ‘human body parts’ and we shared a momentary fake laugh before he shot me the meanest glance and warmed me under his breath that money was thicker than blood. Never saw Uncle Denton again, though I did get a postcard from him a few years later postmarked from some central African republic that no longer exists. It simply read, ‘Must climb Kilimanjaro before you accidentally get pushed in front of a train.’ There’s really no substitute for family.

Speaking of exporting human body parts (see how I did that?), wow, Selena Gomez was flashing sexy little Latina cleavetastic as she disembarked herself onto the shores of Japan to perform a promotional concert at Tower Records. Japanese teens have a reputation for rather questionable taste in music (you know, unlike the refined musical palettes of other teens around the world), so I assume her auto-tuneage will be embraced. As for me, I’d love to embrace the barely legal sexy bomb in an entirely musical fashion. Big in Japan indeed. Enjoy.